Fuck You Too, Facebook

I admit I stayed away from Facebook for as long as I could. The first time I learned about it was a couple of years ago when my schizophrenic red-headed deaf aunt sent me a friend request. I totally ignored it because this was coming from my schizophrenic red-headed deaf aunt. The same aunt who crashed her bike because she had to throw up while riding but didn't think to stop the bike first. So yeah. Excuse me for not jumping on the facebook howagon bandwagon right away.

It was only when I began to receive several other requests from family and friends to join that it caught my interest. I signed up and wasn't that impressed. I logged in once a week, if that. Why? Because I didn't give a shit about people's Farkle scores and I nearly shit my pants in disgust over those Farm Ville status updates. DumbShit found a purple leprechaun sucking her cow's dick while being pounded in the butthole with an ear of corn! She needs help watering her crotch crop! Want to join Farm Ville and help DumbShit out?

Now? I still hate it but Facebook is like a social networking heroin and I have to have it every.damn.day.

(Why is this?)

So I decided it would be awesome (like in a fuckin'-a type of way) to join Facebook as the InsolentBitch and see how many awesome friends I could find and see how many weird and disturbing groups I could become a fan of. I also had dreams of being sponsored by something totally rad - like Hooters - and getting paid every time someone left me a comment that said "ur mean". I envisioned a movement, people.

Sounds totally awesome, right? Yes, I think so too!

But Facebook doesn't. Facebook hates my idea.

You know what, Facebook? You have crossed a line. A fucking big-fat-bolded-underlined-italicised LINE.

Facebook wouldn't let me register under Insolent Bitch. Oh no, no, you have to use your real name.

So I used "Insolent Bich" instead and decided to try to change my name in account settings:



They apparently take it very seriously:


Well, Facebook, riddle me this: what happens to those of us who wish to remain anonymous and use your site inappropriately? Hmmm? What happens to US?

And by the way, their automated approval system is horseshit. Horseshit I say!



*shakes her fists in the air*

So I decided to ask for help:



And this? Is the "help" I got:



No wait. I take that back. I also received a threat:



Okay, Mary wasn't totally useless. She did recommend a Page. So at her suggestion, I created a Facebook page. Click here to join me on Facebook.

All in all? I still hate Facebook. But I.just.can't.stop.